Coping with Stress

Understanding the Stress Response

Under normal circumstances, you should feel relaxed and safe in your own home. When you have a difficult neighbour, that sense of security is removed and you can end up feeling like there's no place on earth to find refuge. This constant state of alertness keeps your body in "fight or flight" mode, which is exhausting and harmful over time.

Under these conditions, you can find yourself desperate for a solution. You might start thinking the only relief will come from moving house. While moving is sometimes the right choice, there are many strategies you can use to manage stress and maintain your wellbeing while you work toward a resolution.

💡 The Two-Sided Approach

Managing a difficult neighbour situation requires two parallel strategies: taking constructive action to resolve the problem AND taking care of your mental and physical health. Both are equally important.

Six Fundamental Steps to Ward Off Depression and Anxiety

1

Eat Healthy Food, Get Good Exercise and Rest

This sounds simple, but it's foundational. When stressed, we often neglect basic self-care, which makes everything worse. Regular meals, physical activity, and adequate sleep are your body's defense against stress and depression. Make these non-negotiable priorities.

2

Take Constructive Steps to Deal with the Problem

Feeling helpless amplifies stress. Taking systematic action—keeping a diary, understanding your rights, filing complaints, seeking mediation—gives you back a sense of control. Even small steps forward reduce feelings of powerlessness.

3

Don't Avoid Going Outside

If your neighbour tries to intimidate you or make you uncomfortable in your yard, resist the urge to hide. Go about your business as if they didn't exist. It's difficult at first, but the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll become. Wear dark glasses to help avoid eye contact if you feel watched. If they threaten or intimidate you, call the police and note it in your diary.

4

Maintain and Develop Interests, Hobbies, Education

Engage in reading, writing, volunteer work, hobbies—anything that gets you away from the situation physically or mentally. Don't let the neighbour problem consume your entire life. Schedule regular activities you enjoy and protect that time.

5

Write Down Your Thoughts and Feelings

Getting thoughts down on paper allows you to reflect on your thought process and stops thoughts from going around in a loop inside your brain. It helps develop objectivity. This is different from your incident diary—this is for processing emotions and gaining perspective.

6

Seek Help If You Need It

If you feel very stressed, unwell, and desperate, go and seek help. Don't delay—do it now. See your GP about a referral to counseling. In Australia, GPs can refer you to subsidized counseling sessions through a Mental Health Care Plan. You can also contact support organizations like Beyond Blue or Lifeline (13 11 14) for immediate advice and support.

Practice "Hold Fast the Opposite"

This is a powerful philosophy for dealing with difficult neighbours. The principle is simple but effective:

If the neighbour is trying to get you angry, try to remain calm and don't respond
If they're shouting over the fence, don't shout back—ignore it, come inside, and write it in your diary
Whatever they do, they're probably trying to get you to react
If you don't react, they get no satisfaction, and that will frustrate them

The typical difficult neighbour is a reactive creature. They don't understand the methodical, reasoned approach to problem-solving. When you refuse to engage with their provocations, you take away their power and maintain your own dignity and calm.

⚠️ This Doesn't Mean Being a Doormat

Not reacting emotionally doesn't mean accepting bad behavior. Document everything, follow legal processes, and protect your rights—but do so calmly and systematically rather than in anger.

Maintaining Perspective

You have a difficult neighbour, so you have a problem to solve. It's going to take patience on your part. Try to remain calm and not become obsessed with the situation. Remember:

This situation is temporary—it will change eventually
The neighbour's behavior reflects their issues, not your worth
You can have a difficult neighbour and still live a reasonably happy existence
Compromise may be necessary—you shouldn't expect to get everything you want, but neither should they
Being the "adult" in the situation gives you the high ground

Physical Strategies for Stress Management

Exercise

Physical activity is one of the most effective stress relievers. It doesn't have to be intense—walking, swimming, yoga, or gardening all help. Exercise:

Releases endorphins that improve mood
Provides a healthy outlet for anger and frustration
Improves sleep quality
Gets you out of the house and away from the situation

Sleep Hygiene

Even if your neighbour sometimes disrupts your sleep, you can improve your overall sleep quality:

Maintain a regular sleep schedule
Create a calming bedtime routine
Use white noise or earplugs to buffer external sounds
Limit caffeine and alcohol, especially in evenings
Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and comfortable

Nutrition

Stress often disrupts eating patterns. Make an effort to:

Eat regular, balanced meals
Limit excessive caffeine which can increase anxiety
Avoid using alcohol as a stress reliever—it can worsen anxiety and depression
Stay hydrated

Mental and Emotional Strategies

Mindfulness and Relaxation

Practice techniques to calm your nervous system:

Deep breathing exercises
Progressive muscle relaxation
Meditation or mindfulness apps
Listening to calming music

Cognitive Strategies

How you think about the situation affects how stressed you feel:

Challenge catastrophic thinking—is it really as bad as it feels in this moment?
Focus on what you can control, not what you can't
Set boundaries on "worry time"—give yourself permission to stop thinking about it
Practice gratitude for the good things in your life

Social Connection

Don't isolate yourself:

Talk to trusted friends and family
Maintain social activities
Consider joining a support group (online or in-person)
Don't be afraid to ask for help

When Things Feel Overwhelming

There will be difficult days. When stress feels unmanageable:

Remove yourself from the situation temporarily if possible
Call a friend or support line
Engage in a calming activity you know works for you
Remind yourself this feeling will pass
Practice self-compassion—you're doing the best you can in a difficult situation

⚠️ Crisis Support Available 24/7

If you're in crisis or having thoughts of self-harm:

Lifeline: 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
Emergency: 000

Building Long-Term Resilience

It's difficult to be happy if you are not healthy. Physical and mental health are among your strongest defenses against depression. Invest in resilience:

Develop a regular self-care routine and stick to it
Build and maintain your support network
Continue activities and relationships that bring you joy
Set realistic expectations—this won't be resolved overnight
Celebrate small victories in managing the situation
Remember you're being patient, determined, thorough, and mature—that's strength